


The BAU Bunch

by leapoffaith_13



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Wedding, YouTube, bau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5024458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leapoffaith_13/pseuds/leapoffaith_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate universe story inspired by the Youtube video "The BAU Bunch." How did Erin and Dave become the BAU Bunch?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here's A Story

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I dom't own anything but the plot. And even that could be credited to the television series "The Brady Bunch." I'm just playing with our little friends, powers that be. Don't sue me.
> 
> A/N2: Inspired by the "BAU Bunch" Youtube video that I watched over 10 times tonight alone.
> 
> A/N3: Cross posted at fanfiction.net.
> 
> A/N4: Reviews totally accepted regardless of how you feel about the story.

It was a bright, sunny Saturday May morning at the Wyndham Pointe Apartments, Dumfries, Virginia. The same sun streamed through the beige blinds to reach the coral colored bedroom. A 36-year-old, blonde haired woman, named Erin Elizabeth Strauss, sat on the bed while her three children sat around on the floor.

"There's no time for this. The wedding is due to start in just over three hours, Erin," a man knocked on the door in a charcoal grey pinstriped suit. "Jenny still has to do all of your hair." Erin got off the bed and started to pace around the room as her three girls looked at their mother. Erin's dad, Richard Strauss, tapped his wrist and closed the door again.

'I think it's going to be perfect, Grandpa. It's going to be perfect." The girl, 15, who had her hair dyed from blonde like her mother's to jet black, Emily, spoke.

"Me too," the most innocent of the three, Erin's youngest, Jennifer (JJ), 6, was quick to chime in.

Erin Strauss turned to look at her children, "How can you say that when everything is off to such a bad start?"

J.J. got off the floor, going over to quickly hug her mother. "Because we love you?"

"You guys really like Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi, don't you?" After a beat of not responding, Erin Strauss allowed herself a small smile that still felt foreign on her face.

"Of course we like him!" Erin's most original (in a good way) and middle child at age 11, Penelope's said enthusiastically.

"A lot!" J.J. agreed. "Know how much we like him?"

Erin Strauss smiled at her youngest child, fearing the gleam in the child's steel blue eyes. "How much?"

The young girl pounced on her mother, throwing her in a big hug. "This much!"

Erin Strauss gave a nod and smile of amusement, returning her daughter's hug before Emily wrangled JJ off their mother. "I'm happy that we're all going to be happy. You're going to be happy. David Rossi is going to be happy. As are Aaron , Derek, and Spencer."

Penelope looked confused at her mother. "If everyone is going to be happy, why don't you look happy too, Momma?"

"I am perfectly happy." Erin Strauss said with a sad smile on her face.

"Liar," Her oldest groaned. The FBI unit chief shot her eldest a fortified glare, but her cell phone buzzed with the ringtone, "The Way You Look Tonight," just before Erin could answer her daughter's accusation.

"I bet it's David Rossi!" Penelope's head bounced up and down as she sung.

"Get down from there." Erin chided her daughter's thoughts before answering.

"Strauss." Erin growled into the phone. The three girls looked up at their mother and when Erin pointed at Penelope she squeaked in her correct guess. "How are you?"

"Nervous." Her betrothed's voice whispered over the phone,

"It's the same over here." Erin Strauss admitted after a pause. A knock on the door again took the four Strauss women out of their trance. "Why don't you children go get yourselves dressed." Erin covered the mouthpiece of her phone to talk to her girls. "I'll see to you later."

"Come on, you guys." Emily herded the two youngest out the door to their waiting grandfather. "The big people want to talk." Em's voice went down an octave as her eyebrows wiggled. "Alone."

"Yes," Richard took JJ's hand, "alone."

"Alone." J.J. echoed definitively.

"Sorry, what?" Erin exhaled as the door shut. "My kids were in the room."

"Spencer checked to make sure that I was wearing pants at breakfast." Dave chuckled. Erin heard the lightness in her fiancé's voice and couldn't help but plaster a smile on her face.

"Smart boy," Erin nodded to nobody, "I wouldn't put it past you to forget something so important."

"ERIN."


	2. Of A Man Named Rossi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grabbing his long-sleeved midnight blue coat, Dave looped the Sergeant Major waist plate on his the white belt, and began putting his honorable discharge pin on his right breast. He smiled. He picked up the rest of his ribbons (meritorious service, two award stars and V device Navy and Marine Corps commendation medal, V device Navy and Marine Corps. Achievement medal, Combat Actions ribbon, Navy Presidential Unit Citation, Navy Unit Commendation, one service star Meritorious Unit Commendation, National Defense Service, Armed Forces Expeditionary, Vietnam service medal with three service stars, Navy Sea Service Deployment, Vietnam Presidential Unit Citation, Vietnam Gallantry Unit Cross citation, Vietnam Civil Actions Unit Citation) and placed them on his right breast. Hanging from his left breast were his Purple Heart Medal, Marine Corps Good Conduct Medal, Selected Marine Corps Reserve Medal with two service stars, Vietnam Gallantry Cross and Vietnam campaign medal. Dave looked at his dresser, now half empty on his coat, spritzing the Ralph Lauren Polo Black cologne on him before one last glance, and headed out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't own anything but the plot. And even that could be credited to the television series "The Brady Bunch." So, I'm still just playing with our little friends, powers that be. Don't sue me.
> 
> A/N2: Inspired by the "BAU Bunch" Youtube video.

The bright sun at Erin's shined just the same over at the Rossi manor in Potomac Heights, Maryland, as it streamed in through the bay window over the sink to shine upon the three Rossi children sitting at the marble breakfast bar and eating their breakfast. Birds were chirping and the only sign of a light breeze was on the trees outside. Yet, despite all the evidence to the contrary, the children were well aware that today was not an ordinary day. Today, their lives would change drastically.

No one spoke much; the tension could be cut with a knife, instead choosing to wolf down their eggs, sausage and home fries. The only sound heard over the clanging of silverware was the occasional muttered curse from the Rossi's housekeeper, Davina's breath. Otherwise, she hummed around the room, refilling the orange juice of the kids and trying not to burn the home fries. On her way back to the sink, Davina narrowly avoided dropping the hot skillet when Mr. Rossi walked in and bumped into her.

"Sorry, Davina," he sauntered around her to sit down in the empty chair meant for him and briefly look around the room. She suspiciously eyed her boss. David Rossi, 46, looked like a complete mess. The normally put-together, stoic federal agent let the emotions play over his face. His salt and pepper hair was uncombed, his purple wife beater wrinkled and purple plaid pajama pants still on his body. He picked a napkin off the table, "Alright, dudes, eat good today. I know we're all nervous, but let's start this day off right, alright?"

David Rossi's eldest son, Aaron 16, looked up from his own plate, before he answered. "We're almost finished, Dad. You -" he paused. "Are not."

His brother, Dave's middle son, Derek, 10, spoke up quietly next to him, "You haven't eaten anything at all, Dad." He tipped his chin at David Rossi's plate full of food.

"Oh. It appears I haven't, boys. I think I'll stick with coffee for now." David Rossi poured the French vanilla-flavored creamer into his cup of coffee.

"Do you want some coffee with that creamer, Agent Rossi?" Davina asked with sass finally taking Dave from his reverie. "Nervous?"

The husband-to-be let out a forced chortle, "Who said I was nervous? I'm not nervous." The rambling continued through the children's giggles. "Not at all. I've been waiting for this moment for ages! Why would I be nervous?"

She drew out a breath, "Agent Rossi, every groom is a little nervous for their wedding day."

"It's a normal reaction," Aaron nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Dad. I once saw a movie where a man was getting married, and he forgot to put his pants on."

Upon hearing this, the youngest Rossi child, Spencer, 6, felt his eyes grow wide and his little mouth formed into a small smile. Much to the family's confusion, the littlest one stood up from his seat to look under the table. After a moment, he reemerged, looking greatly relieved. "You're ok, Daddy." Dave nodded at his youngest.

"Thanks. Now please sit down." David Rossi exhaled.

Spencer leaned on his father's knee, two feet steadily on the ground, "Don't worry. You and Erin Strauss make a great couple. And we like her."

The eldest boy nodded in agreement, "She's an admirable agent."

"I like her." Derek stated keeping his eyes trained on his father. "She's a wonderful special someone!"

"I guess that makes it unanimous," David Rossi smiled at his three boys, "I think she's pretty special as well. She's a good mother"

"Geez!" Davina noticed Dave's hands trembling, "Your bride better not be as nervous as you are, Agent Rossi!"

"Not Strauss. My bride-to-be is always calm and collected."

Thing were quickly picking up after the breakfast phone call to Erin.

Aaron and Spencer had been shuffled into their respected bedrooms by Davina, as Derek had run off earlier, while Dave was on the phone. Davina helped change them into their black tuxedo, red vest, white shirt with black bowties and shoes.

Dave smiled as he looked in the full length mirror in his bedroom. He buttoned up his white shirt before a knock broke him out of his gaze. There in his tuxedo was Derek. He twiddled the ring bearer pillow through his hands and nervously looked at his dad. He looked worried, and so David walked over to him. "There you are kiddo. What are you doing in here?"

Derek pointed at the large mirror on his dad's wall. "...I wanted to see if I looked okay." He said hesitantly.

Davina, standing outside Dave's now open door, padded in. "You look so handsome, young man. But we're missing something." The middle child stood, walking silently to the door, knowing he couldn't escape the silly bowtie any longer. "Now come on Derek, we've got to get going. Strauss will kill your dad if he's late to the wedding."

Grabbing his long-sleeved midnight blue coat, Dave looped the Sergeant Major waist plate on his the white belt, and began putting his honorable discharge pin on his right breast. He smiled. He picked up the rest of his ribbons (meritorious service, two award stars and V device Navy and Marine Corps commendation medal, V device Navy and Marine Corps. Achievement medal, Combat Actions ribbon, Navy Presidential Unit Citation, Navy Unit Commendation, one service star Meritorious Unit Commendation, National Defense Service, Armed Forces Expeditionary, Vietnam service medal with three service stars, Navy Sea Service Deployment, Vietnam Presidential Unit Citation, Vietnam Gallantry Unit Cross citation, Vietnam Civil Actions Unit Citation) and placed them on his right breast. Hanging from his left breast were his Purple Heart Medal, Marine Corps Good Conduct Medal, Selected Marine Corps Reserve Medal with two service stars, Vietnam Gallantry Cross and Vietnam campaign medal. Dave looked at his dresser, now half empty on his coat, spritzing the Ralph Lauren Polo Black cologne on him before one last glance, and headed out the door.

"Aaron. Derek. Spencer." Dave yelled as he headed down the stairs. He heard footsteps and smiled gently laying the coat over the arm of the couch.

"Give me a moment, Dad. I'm finishing brushing his hair." Spencer yelled.

"Uh," Dave muttered. "His hair?" He shook off the deep pit in his stomach and went to get himself a glass of water.

"Ready to go, Daddy!" Derek announced his presence.

"Yep." Aaron followed suit.

"Ready." Spencer ran down the stairs nearly knocking into Aaron. Mudgie, the boy's Chesapeake Bay retriever followed suit. "So is Mudge master."

"Oh." Dave's mind clicked. "Oh, Spence, we are not bringing Mudgie." David Rossi petted the dog's head.

"But Daddy," Spencer whined.

Dave calmly counted to ten before speaking. "No way. This is just for the family and friends."

Davina made her reappearance, from the basement apartment she lived in, in a red BooHoo Frankie sleevless chiffon brown belted skater dress, Matthew Williamson mohair black embroidered topcoat, Valentino rouge ankle strapped pumps and kate spade red gloves.

"Davina." David smiled at his 20-something housekeeper. "Very nice."

"Thank you Mr. Rossi," she smiled as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." Answering the door, she told them it was the limo for pickup.

David, grabbed his coat and the U.S. Marine Corps officers' Mameluke sword and sheath as he shepherded his kids to the white stretch limo which took them to the United States Marine Memorial Chapel, Quantico.

As he got out of the limo, his peeps trailing him, he met Father Jimmy Davidson (his lifelong friend and spiritual advisor from Commack, Long Island, New York) outside the Chapel.

Davina met them there in her own red Honda Accord. Wrangling the three boys, she took them to the groom's room while Jimmy and Dave had a heart to heart in the foyer of the nearly-filled Chapel.


	3. Three Very Lovely Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the chapel, the pews were adorned with calla lilies, Erin's favorite. She could hear the clamoring of the 200 or so people coming into the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't own anything but the plot. And even that could be credited to the television series "The Brady Bunch." Because if I did, Erin and Dave would be married in a jiffy. Season 8 finale would have NEVER happened. Still bitter over that Erica Messer, still mad.
> 
> A/N2: Inspired by the "BAU Bunch" Youtube video.

"I thought it went like this." J.J. protested, walking opposite from her sister, flicking her wrist throwing rose petals across the beige colored room.

Emily huffed, attempting to pick up the flowers after her sister. "Stop it, Jen. No one needs practice being a flower girl." And before Emily could react, Jen tripped over her one shouldered red chiffon floor length gown and the tears flowed. "Jen. You don't even have your shoes on. How are you going to walk down the aisle like we practiced last night?"

Strauss sighed, pacing around the room she listened to her youngest and oldest. A knock on her door startled her but she offered a small "Come in."

"The limo is here to take you and your mother to the Chapel to get ready. Your dress is there, I'll bring the kids." Richard told her as he wrapped her in a hug. Erin slung the 'Mrs. Rossi 2 Be' white robe on over her white button down shirt and jeans.

"I'm going to help daddy with the kids," her youngest sister, Elizabeth said, as she waltzed into the room, clapping her hands, gaining the young Strauss children's attention.

"Goodbye," Erin smiled hugging each of her children. "See you there soon, kids." Kissing her sister and father's cheek, Erin met her mother in the lobby of the apartment. Both got into the white Hummer limo waiting for them.

At the Chapel, people were starting to arrive and Erin was shuffled into the Bride's room by her mother, Ginny. Erin glanced slyly outside her dressing room before breathing a sigh of relief. It was the first time all day that she wasn't surrounded by her children and nervous father. They meant well, Erin knew that and it was sure to be a beautiful ceremony. But with her three children, meddling parents, and his three children, was taking all of her willpower not to grab David and elope. She had done this once before so it didn't matter if she did it proper or not. That one, done proper, left her with three children and a divorce papers.

In the chapel, the pews were adorned with calla lilies, Erin's favorite. She could hear the clamoring of the 200 or so people coming into the wedding. People from all over the FBI divisions that Erin and Dave had both worked for, Dave's publishing house, Richard Strauss' law office partners and the spattering of friends they had from different law enforcement across the country. So much for a small, private affair for between close friends, Erin mused.

Slipping into her v-neck peach dress with champagne sash and flower beneath the bosom, she felt the dress flow over her legs. Ginny zipped her up as Erin moved from side to side in the three-way mirror provided for her. Erin smiled at her mother who handed her the chiffon wrap, that matched the dress.

"Perfect." Erin sucked in a breath as a tear began to form in her eye. Nodding, she willed the tears away and hugged her mother. "I wish it was white." The eye roll Erin gave to her mother, made Ginny laugh.

"I did this already, as evidenced by the three bouncing beauties I have on their way here." Erin reassured her mother. Sitting at the oak colored vanity, Erin took out the diamond necklace she had ready and chained it around her neck. The chandelier earrings matched the diamond design of the necklace.

"Something borrowed," Ginny clipped a diamond and ruby tennis bracelet on Erin's left arm. "Something blue." Erin reached for the Victoria's Secret bag, pulling out a tiffany blue garter. Her mom helped her slide it on underneath the dress. "Some old." Ginny placed her baby's breath flower crown, from Richard and Ginny's wedding, on Erin's twisted back, low chignon hair. "Something new from daddy and I." Smiling, Erin took the box. Unwrapping it, she found Badgley Mischka's "Thor" pump pink satin. It matched almost to the exact color of Erin's dress.

"Mommy!" Now fully crying, Erin threw her hands around her mother's neck and held on for dear life. "They're perfect." She took her nude wedges off in place for the new, better shoes. Ginny nodded and helped Erin back up on the stand to look in the three way mirror.

A knock interrupted their moment.

"Everything looks beautiful!" Father Jimmy exclaimed, walking into the room, followed by Erin's three progenies.

"Are you certain?" Erin asked. A smile broke on the priests face as he nodded.

"And you know what else is beautiful?" Erin's dad came in.

"Daddy, don't say it." Erin chided before fixing Emily's hair, only to have her daughter groan.

"You're more beautiful than the flowers," the older man grinned.

"Daddy, be serious." Erin scowled, though there was no feeling behind it.

"Grandpa's always serious," JJ smiled at her mother, giving a curt nod to prove it.

"David and his brood are ready when you are, Erin." Father Jimmy waved and walked back out the way he came in.

Excusing the three children and her, Ginny kissed her daughter, wished her good luck and left Erin and Richard alone. He patted the watering eyes of his oldest daughter before offering her his hand.

"This is going to be good." Richard stated. Erin slightly nodded as Richard opened the door and followed his daughter out of the room to the back of the chapel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N4: Erin's dress is actually the same as Jayne Atkinson's 2013 Emmy's dress; which I obviously don't own. But I totally want to.


End file.
